My Insane Double Life

I alnmost told someone

suzanna — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:01:56 +0000

I have a friend who is unemployed. She was downsized and now is having a hard time finding a job. I was telling her that I knew women could make money escorting even if they were BBW women. Her eyes light up. She has been single for a while and casual sex is not scary to her, it is something she has sought out. She wanted to know more. I sent her a few links and told her I considered it. I left it there. Something inside wants to confess my secret but something else said not to her. I left it and wondered if I would ever have a friend close enough to trust secrets with…………………

Wish I had a friend in the business………………..

suzanna — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:33:05 +0000

So what do sex worker women do when it is their time of the month?? Oral only?? Not work??? Inquiring minds want to know.

It kills me

suzanna — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 02:17:27 +0000

Whenever I advertise I get men who want me to show up right then and now. That is all ok but I need to screen them. I need to find a sitter. I work straight job. I am not your usual ho, dude. I am worth waiting for. My dream is four regulars a month. It would be nirvana.

Date two

suzanna — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:08:49 +0000

Since my last post my husband and I decided to sexually open our relationship a bit. We have been having extreme BDSM scene’s and I have never had such amazing sex and orgasms. I ignored my escort email address for a while. I was in denial I needed money or something. Anyway, I answered an email and poof had date number two. He was a very nice, handsome guy who was my age. He liked my booty and skin. It was so surreal to drop the kids at preschool, stop at a gas station to dress in a corset under my clothes. Our encounter was nice. He was very very kind. A real gentleman. I have gotten so lucky to meet such nice men. I guess being super picky pays off.

It was so strange to have vanilla sex after all the wildness at my house lately. It felt like I was eating unsalted food or something. Lets hope date three comes sooner than later. Mama has a mortgage to pay!

What a mess

suzanna — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:34:12 +0000

I think that my marriage is over. Not only am I living a double life, he cannot come home. My husband works many many late hours. He works 60-70 hours a week and he is a salaried worker. He feels some kind of loyalty to his job and fears being out of work. He was unemployed for a year about 10 years ago and he never forgets it.

I have been sick for over a month. Last night my doctor finally had me go to the emergency room for further tests. He came home and took the kids after I begged him to come home. I had to make sure they had dinner made before I could get help. When I came home he did not ask how I was. He woke up and went to work like normal and left me scrambling to find friends to help with the kids because he had to work. He has plenty of time off coming to him but he chooses not to take it. After work he had a happy hour with co-workers planned. He called to make sure I didn’t need to go to the hospital again or anything and off he went. He has had no compassion for me at all through this except,” you have to rest”. Hello ASSHOLE how can I rest when you are never around. When he is around he just yells at the kids all evening. He then stays up till 2am playing video games and then spends the next morning cranky and yelling at the kids again. I am tired of this life.

I am dreaming of going back to work at a real job. I am dreaming of a little apartment in a good school district for me and my kids. A place that is safe without the anger of an overtired middle aged teenager who collects gadgets. I dream of something for me. I dream of a boyfriend or a girlfriend who wants to give me some attention, have sex, have a conversation. I dream of being able to parent my way without hearing what a horrible parent I am because I don’t continually punish for every infraction and I pick my battles.

The best thing about turning that trick is that I felt more empowered than I have in a long time.

And on and on and on……………..

suzanna — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 02:04:50 +0000

I am starting to freak out here. My plan to take over the world or get a handle on my finances with prostitution is not working. I got one date in and then I got my period and bronchitis. No one wants to date a coughing bleeding hooker. If they did I’d have to lower my rates. The bills are piling up and going unpaid and Ol’ Suzanna is getting nervous and desperate. Then I look in my kids eyes and know somehow someway I have to get this ALL under control and make it work because they deserve better.

OH SHIT!

suzanna — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:58:50 +0000

No dating for me this week. I picked up some horrible bronchitis and feel awful.

Before I got sick I was tooling around the internet looking for some customers. I tell ya if I could meet 6 to 8 men who wanted a regular date I would be in heaven, but I digress. I was posting ad’s here and there. I received a flurry of emails from people I may or may not want to meet. One person I really did not want to meet. It was an old friend!!!! Someone I played music with at one point in my life. I was shocked to say the least! This person is a very nice person with some of the worst hygiene this side of the Mississippi. He was the poster boy for stinky. I saw him about a year ago, he was over 650lbs at 5 ft 11inches and stank worse than ever. I am not a small woman but I am still less than 1/4th his size. This person also had a gossipy side to him. Great. Just who I really want to avoid when “dating”. This brought up a very real part of this endeavor for me. Besides being careful to not get in trouble with the law I have to watch meeting people I know in my real life. AHHH the landmines!!

Man, what a week!

suzanna — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:19:34 +0000

I have the week from hell this week. I am working at my straight job three nights. I have one morning date. I also have three doctor appointments with the kids and endless keeping the kids busy in between. I know I am married but my salaried husband works at a job that requires alot of late nights. It happens to be that if I am not working I am usually alone with the kids. I guess this lack of interaction got me in the financial mess that I am in. He was never available to talk about money and if we did he would flip out and scream at me because he was tired to begin with. This is not an excuse of what I did just the fact. I should of dealt with his screaming like a woman instead of the coward I became. Oh man I need to get out of this mess!!!

It all starts here.

suzanna — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:21:34 +0000

Recently I have found myself getting further and further behind on bills. I work part time and my husband works full time. I have two small children with special needs. I couldn’t bear to tell my hubby that I had racked up over 20,000 in debt in his name. I didn’t use it to shop or anything just living. Working full time for me is out of the question right now because of the kid’s issues. I decided to take matters in my own hands. I placed an ad on Craigslist Erotic Services. First I got a pre paid cell phone to use for the venture. Then set up an email account with my “hooker” name. Finally I bought some lingerie and shaved places I had not shaved in years. I was ready to post an ad.

I am a BBW (that is a big beautiful woman) and I thought that would be a problem. Not at all! I got many responses but too many men wanted the banter back and forth and not actually make a date. I then had a few weeks of not being able to get away because of commitments with the kids. Finally, I had a morning off and a sitter. I again got many responses. Ugh not again. I followed up with them and then got one to pop. Ok kids to the sitter (check), date verified (verifying a date protects you because you make sure they are who they say they are), directions (check). My date wanted me to look average for a suburban neighborhood. I wore a sun dress with nothing underneath and picked up condoms on the way. I was so nervous. I had never done anything like this before. I had not had sex with anyone else in 15 years. It was a heady excitement. I blasted punk rock on the way to my date’s suburban abode. I arrived and my date greeted me. Average guy, blue collar. I stepped in his house and we chatted a second. He told me that I was exactly like I presented on the internet. Good, I want to be honest. He handed me the cash and we started kissing and touching. He had an extremely rough touch. I kept telling him to be gentle. Told him I liked it doggy style. He bent me over his pool table and we had 30 seconds of sex. He came very quickly. I took the condom from him to dispose of since he was married, as an extra service. We chatted a few more seconds and I was on my way. The experience was shorter than the ride there and back.

On the way to the sitter I bought gas for my car and spent almost half of the money. I kept thinking this is WAY too easy. I can actually see three dates a week once the kids start preschool in the fall.

Don’t judge me folks. You never will know when it will be your turn.